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Juanita
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| Joined: | Thu May 3rd, 2007 |
| Location: | Alberta Canada |
| Posts: | 529 |
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Posted: Thu Jun 4th, 2009 23:42 |
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Oh, dear, Deb. I completely understand your struggle with how best to love Chloe.
I think what adds an extra twist is that as sick people, resting at home, we rely on the companionship and love of our pets. And I think that makes us feel extra close and extra responsible to them out of gratitude, as well as the bonds we forge.
Good luck with knowing what's right for Chloe.
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MCS, CFS, FM, CS, DH, stroke neuro, seizures, skin ca, IBS, eczema, irregular heartbeat| NoIR avoid light and D/ On MP 27 months
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JanEE
Member
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Posted: Fri Jun 5th, 2009 00:02 |
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I have a cat, but she's every bit as loving and doting as a dog. Pretzel is 14---an orange, black and white calico. In fact, she is sitting on my lap as I write this---even licking my hand---which can make typing a little iffy. When she wakes up in the morning she sits beside my pillow and waits for me to wake up, so she can have her squiggles. She also follows me around the house, and needs to be picked up on a regular basis or she lets me know. When it's time for her anti-thyroid pill (she's hyperthyroid, I don't know what else you'd call those pills), I just motion for her to follow and she does. Sometimes, we carry on lengthy conversations, back and forth---even though neither of us has much to talk about.
I don't know what I would have done without her these last four years. Thank God for our animal friends.
Jan
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CFS, FM hypothyroid 125D69 Ph1 5/05 Armoir thyroid promethazine mag B12 for low blood levels NoIRs limited outings covered Ph2 9/06 Ph3 8/07 25D11
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Pipistrelle
Member
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Posted: Fri Jun 5th, 2009 17:46 |
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Deb, I'm so sorry to hear of your dilemma re your beloved dog. I had to have Magnus, my lovely old moggy put to sleep two weeks ago - it was so hard, but in the end it was better for him to be released from his suffering. He has since been with me in dreams and is well and happy in them.
I still have a cat, because I'm cat-sitting for my daughter who is staying in NZ for the next 2 years - so Wrinkle is now top cat. Like JanEE, I find the feline company and affection whilst on the MP is a godsend - pets stay faithful when companionship is sorely needed. I am so grateful for my furry friends!
Morag
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Sarc lungs, uveitis '90 dx '92, pred 18 mo '93-'94; D25 31 Nov 06, D1,25 35 Nov 06, NoIRs Feb '07, D restrict Nov 06, low lux home, cover up, light exp work
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Deb Grabetz
Moderator
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Posted: Fri Jun 5th, 2009 19:34 |
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Thanks all for the heartfelt responses...I've enjoyed reading all of your pets names! They are all so clever and catchy...Tom came home from work last night and thought our little Chloe had stopped breathing. She has just become so listless at the night but during the day seems to liven up a bit. She still follows me everywhere, I think it is taking up her last bit of energy to keep track of me.
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Sarcoidosis/lungs, lymph,liver, GI, neuro, D12542, Ph17/07, MPh2 9/07, B12, cover up, NoIRs,return to work after 2 years off- 4/07D2511
5/09 D25<4
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Juanita
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| Joined: | Thu May 3rd, 2007 |
| Location: | Alberta Canada |
| Posts: | 529 |
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Posted: Mon Jun 8th, 2009 22:13 |
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Oh, dear, Deb. That's rough. We did that with Al and it was torment. Always waiting, walking slowly over and poking what turns out to be a sleeping dog. May her passing be peaceful when her times comes, eh?
I am so sorry to hear about your Magnus, Morag. I keep seeing Al out of the corner of my eye and have turned around twice now in the walk to let him catch up. Once I went to step over him where he used to sleep in the hallway. I could have sworn I saw him there!
Kiss Pretzel for us, Jan. Good pets need all the loving they can soak up, eh? 
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MCS, CFS, FM, CS, DH, stroke neuro, seizures, skin ca, IBS, eczema, irregular heartbeat| NoIR avoid light and D/ On MP 27 months
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Juanita
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| Joined: | Thu May 3rd, 2007 |
| Location: | Alberta Canada |
| Posts: | 529 |
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Posted: Thu Jun 11th, 2009 21:46 |
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Today, I saw butterflies and dragonflies. Reminders of change and transformation, eh?
And I lay down inside a grove of poplar trees, put my hat over my NoIR covered eyes and just lay there, feeling the breeze, listening to the whispering leaves. It was lovely.
I do, however, look forward to the day I can do that without wearing turtlenecks, bomber jackets, winter socks and heavy pants. Good mercy, that makes things hot!!
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MCS, CFS, FM, CS, DH, stroke neuro, seizures, skin ca, IBS, eczema, irregular heartbeat| NoIR avoid light and D/ On MP 27 months
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JanEE
Member
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Posted: Fri Jun 12th, 2009 01:08 |
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Ah, nature. Juanita, your experience amongst the poplars sounds lovely indeed. I can just picture you laying there. Actually, I can almost feel what you're feeling even better.
I know exactly what you mean. My bedroom window overlooks my greenbelt ( a whole story and a half lower than the window) that is filled with downed moss-covered trees, upright cedars and alders, sword ferns, and in winter, running water. Several times a day I throw open the window and just breathe in that wonderful air. Even in the winter it's great, especially when it's blanketed in snow. So still. My cat loves it every bit as much as I do and comes running to sit on the sill beside me. I have often fantasized about building a small gazebo, or gazing platform, on stilts right in the middle of it. I can dream, can't I?
Jan
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CFS, FM hypothyroid 125D69 Ph1 5/05 Armoir thyroid promethazine mag B12 for low blood levels NoIRs limited outings covered Ph2 9/06 Ph3 8/07 25D11
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Deb Grabetz
Moderator
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Posted: Sun Jun 14th, 2009 11:34 |
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This morning I'd like to say I'm very grateful for humor! I doubt I would've gotten through so many downright crappy days without it ...So, on that note I'm "bumping" a post from patsysweeney...just love this one!
Let's Get It Gone...
Let's Get it Gone
I've been really tryin , MP’ers
Tryin to hold back these symptoms for so long
And if you feel, like I feel MP’ers
Come on, oh come on,
Let's get it gone
Lets get it gone
Let's get it gone
Let's get it gone
We're all sufferin people
With so much life to live, understand me MP’ers
Since we want to be
MP says, take your meds
There's nothin wrong with me reachin out to all of you
And givin ourselves a chance to live can never be wrong
The Marshall Protocol is true
Don't you know how sweet and wonderful, life can be
I'm askin you MP’ers, to get it gone with me
I aint gonna worry, I aint gonna push
So come on, come on, come on, come on MP’ers
Stop Eatin D, Cover up, follow directions and get off your tush....
Let's get it gone
Let's get it gone
Let's get it gone
Let's get it gone
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Sarcoidosis/lungs, lymph,liver, GI, neuro, D12542, Ph17/07, MPh2 9/07, B12, cover up, NoIRs,return to work after 2 years off- 4/07D2511
5/09 D25<4
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Juanita
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| Joined: | Thu May 3rd, 2007 |
| Location: | Alberta Canada |
| Posts: | 529 |
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Posted: Fri Jun 26th, 2009 22:52 |
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I am really, really, really, really, REALLY grateful to Schering-Plough Canada Inc. because they are finally in production of Olmesartan and so we can now get our benicar from our local pharmacy!! Yay!!!
Which means no more visa usage with paperwork going to the insurance company and waiting for the money to come back. Now we just pick it up and the pharmacist charges the insurance company. Snap!!
We are SOOOOOO LUCKY!!! It is now easier for Canadians to do the MP.
I am also grateful to my fella as when he found out that his parents had sold their home without finding a new home to live in and were two weeks from being homeless.... he marched down to their house and took them to the town they've been shopping for homes in for the last 8 years... and got them to buy one. Then worked with the mortgage lady who pushed the lawyer's staff and the whole thing was resolved within five days! He's a miracle worker.
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MCS, CFS, FM, CS, DH, stroke neuro, seizures, skin ca, IBS, eczema, irregular heartbeat| NoIR avoid light and D/ On MP 27 months
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Sarah Jane
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| Joined: | Fri Jun 15th, 2007 |
| Location: | Alberta Canada |
| Posts: | 155 |
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Posted: Fri Jun 26th, 2009 23:41 |
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First of all, ditto on the Benicar for Canadians!!! Whoop, whoop, whoop!
And secondly, I am SO incredibly grateful to my family for all their help and support. On days when I'm in too much pain or too weak to get up and pull my share of work, someone is always in better shape than I am, and without complaint will make supper, switch laundry, walk the dog, bring me meds and anything else they can do to help me through the rough patch.
It feels awful to be a burden to them, but they just keep plugging along, doing everything they can for me, and I am profoundly and eternally grateful for them.
I'm also very grateful for my cat, Arthur, who is a rambunctious and mischievous little bugger, trying my nerves about 50% of the time, but who is also a great comfort to me. Whenever he feels cuddly, or I find him sleeping somewhere and he happily submits to a snuggle, or he wants food out of me and will put up with all kinds of affection to get it... those are the times when I don't know how I would manage without his furry self.
He's also an incredibly useful "Benicar alarm." He's so used to me getting up in the night at certain times (and getting a snack out of it), that if I miss my alarm he'll wake me up loudly and persistently, and he never ever quits until I've gotten up to feed him and take my pills (the pills being the least important of the two, obviously ).
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MCS, CFS, Celiac, affected neuro, skin rashes | avoiding light and D | May7/07 25D=31.2ng/ml 1,25D=64.17pg/ml | OTC pain and allergy meds prn | Naproxen | Quercetin | Ph1- Aug 02/07 | Ph2- Mar 16/08 | Mod Ph2- Jun 8/09 |
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JanEE
Member
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Posted: Sat Jun 27th, 2009 02:43 |
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Juanita and Sarah Jane, I love reading your posts. You sound like such a neat family. I know you go through your rage attacks and other IP, but along with that you sound like you have lots of fun with a lot of humor going on. Think how great it will be once the IP is gone. WOW! Watch out world!
Jan
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CFS, FM hypothyroid 125D69 Ph1 5/05 Armoir thyroid promethazine mag B12 for low blood levels NoIRs limited outings covered Ph2 9/06 Ph3 8/07 25D11
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Sarah Jane
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| Joined: | Fri Jun 15th, 2007 |
| Location: | Alberta Canada |
| Posts: | 155 |
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Posted: Sat Jun 27th, 2009 16:38 |
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Aww, thanks, Jan! You're a dear. 
We do try to laugh whenever possible, especially at ourselves and the silliness that some IPs can bring. Better to keep things light-hearted wherever you can so you don't get so bogged down by what's rotten about life, eh?
We used to have a chiropractor who adored us because we would come into his office all 5 of us at a time and it wouldn't be long before we were cracking him up and people in the reception area could hear him laughing. With all the grumpy patients he saw in a week, I think we were his highlight. It's been forever since we saw him (several moves on our part to different areas of the province), but I do hope that he's having a good life and finding laughter wherever he can.
Today I am grateful that I don't work in EMS. We got an early morning phone call from my older sister who's a paramedic in the city, and she had a horrible night of intense calls with nearly everyone she treated dying despite her and her partner's efforts. By the end of the night, she was drained and shocky and the supervisors had her in with the counselor for debriefing (she did everything right, they were just people who were beyond saving). Much as I hate being sick and stuck at home, stories like that also make me feel grateful that I'm not a paramedic. 
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MCS, CFS, Celiac, affected neuro, skin rashes | avoiding light and D | May7/07 25D=31.2ng/ml 1,25D=64.17pg/ml | OTC pain and allergy meds prn | Naproxen | Quercetin | Ph1- Aug 02/07 | Ph2- Mar 16/08 | Mod Ph2- Jun 8/09 |
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eClaire
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| Joined: | Mon Sep 25th, 2006 |
| Location: | Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 1396 |
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Posted: Sat Jun 27th, 2009 20:04 |
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I am grateful for paramedics. Although I've never needed the services of one, I did have to call the paramedics for my housemate in law school. Thank goodness; even if I could have made it to the emergency room in time with her in the car, I think I would have had a heart attack worrying about her.
Short story: I once worked as a director of a single parent/homemaker program in a community college. And I was surprised by the number of times colleagues told me that they wouldn't want my job (mine was the last job they'd want at the college). I spent a good portion of my work doing crisis counseling and conducting survivors support groups to help women stay in school despite often chaotic lives. I guess there are different types of trauma that people want no part of.
I thought I had the best job in the college.
Now that I've encountered the flight of most who knew me when I became disabled, I get a sense that many adults are just plain afraid of dealing with the tough stuff that life can dish out.
Me? I walk toward the pain. I engage the conflict. I look at what hurts. And I am so grateful for this orientation, as it keeps me from being anxious (unless it is IP). I mean, it is much easier to be anxious about stuff you are afraid to face.
So I am grateful for everyone who can walk toward the pain in whatever capacity they are doing it in.
ClaireLast edited on Sat Jun 27th, 2009 20:05 by eClaire
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42mo on MP; CFS FMS MCS COPD hypermob IBS/GERD osteopor; 125D48 25D<4;
NoIRs during most daylight outings; Ph1.Dec06 * ModPh2.Jun07 * AbxBrk.Mar-May08
* Ph2.Oct-Nov08 * Ph1.Jan09 * Olm.alone.Jun10
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Sarah Jane
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| Joined: | Fri Jun 15th, 2007 |
| Location: | Alberta Canada |
| Posts: | 155 |
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Posted: Sat Jun 27th, 2009 20:14 |
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Yes, thank heavens for those who are called to the jobs the rest of us don't want! (Or aren't able to do.)
I'm with you, I'd rather delve into the psychology of someone and help them get their life in order than bandage a bloody cut or slice a hole in someone's throat for an emergency tracheotomy. And yet I know that my paramedic sister would cringe at psychology and rather reach for the scalpel.
It's true what they say: it takes all kinds!
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MCS, CFS, Celiac, affected neuro, skin rashes | avoiding light and D | May7/07 25D=31.2ng/ml 1,25D=64.17pg/ml | OTC pain and allergy meds prn | Naproxen | Quercetin | Ph1- Aug 02/07 | Ph2- Mar 16/08 | Mod Ph2- Jun 8/09 |
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Pipistrelle
Member
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Posted: Sat Jun 27th, 2009 20:58 |
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Claire,
I absolutely agree with you, firstly about the joy of working in a support role - because I am fortunate to be working in a condition-specific support role and enjoy it immensely. Yes, it is a challenge to get there on workdays, specially on high herx days, but I know I am so, so fortunate to be still doing it. It's not everyone's cup of tea but it is mine!
Secondly I agree with your experience of abandonment, because I too have found many people I wouldn't have expected to, including my own children, have looked the other way while I've been ill. This includes friends I've helped when they weren't well. Other people have expressed disbelief that I'm not already better - they can't understand it is a slow business! It seems we are only 'allowed' to be unwell for a while, then compassion fatigue sets in!
The few people who have stayed close walking this journey with me are most precious to me. The roots of the word 'companion' are cum panis - with bread - one who breaks bread with you on your shared journey - an intimate thing to do, sharing a journey. Our MP companions are the most precious gift of all - both in RL and online
In this country there is both statutory and voluntary help aimed at carers, but very little aimed specifically at self-carers - i.e. those who live alone. Local councils provide a patchwork of meals on wheels and some home help, but not companionship and tlc.
One idea I'd love to develop in the future when I'm much better than at present is emotional and practical support specifically for singletons, for those who live alone and become incapacitated or less able to get out. This whole experience has shown me how much it is needed. So I am grateful for the insights I've gained so far on the MP and I'm looking forward to finding ways in the future to improve life for others who live alone.
Morag
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Sarc lungs, uveitis '90 dx '92, pred 18 mo '93-'94; D25 31 Nov 06, D1,25 35 Nov 06, NoIRs Feb '07, D restrict Nov 06, low lux home, cover up, light exp work
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Deb Grabetz
Moderator
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Posted: Sat Jun 27th, 2009 22:06 |
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eClaire wrote:
Me? I walk toward the pain. I engage the conflict. I look at what hurts. And I am so grateful for this orientation, as it keeps me from being anxious (unless it is IP). I mean, it is much easier to be anxious about stuff you are afraid to face.
So I am grateful for everyone who can walk toward the pain in whatever capacity they are doing it in.
Claire
Claire, I just realized after reading your post just how anxious I get with IP to this day. Wonder why that is? It seems to kick up a lot of anxious emotions in me and no matter how far I've come (and it's far!) I still feel anxious. Could it be something that we just can't control? You bring up a very good subject here. I have often thought that maybe I just want that ultimate goal of being completely well and want to forget that I'm still in the healing stages, that I'm going to have strong IP at times and the anxiety is just an emotion that I can't deal with. Other times I think it may be fear yet I'm a fearless person, for the most part. I would love to hear how others get past this anxiety...
Deb
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Sarcoidosis/lungs, lymph,liver, GI, neuro, D12542, Ph17/07, MPh2 9/07, B12, cover up, NoIRs,return to work after 2 years off- 4/07D2511
5/09 D25<4
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JanEE
Member
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Posted: Sat Jun 27th, 2009 22:13 |
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Hey gals, isn't anxiety also IP? Looking forward to getting rid of it too, as time goes by!
Morag, I think the expression "compassion fatigue" just might say it all.
Jan
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CFS, FM hypothyroid 125D69 Ph1 5/05 Armoir thyroid promethazine mag B12 for low blood levels NoIRs limited outings covered Ph2 9/06 Ph3 8/07 25D11
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eClaire
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| Joined: | Mon Sep 25th, 2006 |
| Location: | Virginia USA |
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Posted: Sat Jun 27th, 2009 22:22 |
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Well, I have anxiety associated with phobias that just got out of control when I got very ill no matter how I talked to myself or what tricks I used. Those thing-specific anxieties seem to be letting up as I go along on the MP. For example, I now (for now at this level of IP) have only normal anxiety associated with doing my bills. If I haven't overspent on my tight budget no pre-bill paying anxiety, and if I have, I have some, but not enough to stop me from getting down to business. This is a major improvement!!!
Then, there are what I think of as normal anxiety (e.g., meeting new people, calling people on the phone) that can be compounded by Th1 illness. These are challenging because where do you separate what is IP from growth work you need to do on yourself? Mostly, I try to find out if there is an emotional root to the anxiety and work with that. If there is, I can usually gain some control over the anxiety.
However, the anxiety that seems to be just free floating anxiety IP seems the easiest for me to deal with because when I look to see its source, it is not connected to anything. It doesn't involve anything--just my brain. So I sort of just surf that and take measures to make it tolerable (e.g., listen to enjoyable talk radio from NPR archives). Or if it is not too bad, I just acknowledge it and hold it gently as I go about my life. This way, I don't forget about it and transfer the anxiety on to other things.
Hmmm...how do I describe how to hold gently. It's like juggling balls. Normally, we think of putting down all the balls except one and work on that. However, there are balls that we cannot put down--e.g., concern for a family member in trouble, etc.--and we must go about our business while not driving ourselves insane. Holding gently is being in a state of mind that honors what is going on while not focusing on it. I sort of think of it as putting the ball in a hammock. It's like putting something on a back burner but not quite. It's more conscious, gentle, loving. Who am I loving? Me and my free-floating anxiety! I'm just being gentle with me so I can also be gentle with others. When I see the anxiety rolling over into other areas of my life, I gently and lovingly put it back in the hammock.
Anyone else familiar with Buddhism want to try explaining that?
My two cents on the topic!
ClaireLast edited on Sat Jun 27th, 2009 22:25 by eClaire
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42mo on MP; CFS FMS MCS COPD hypermob IBS/GERD osteopor; 125D48 25D<4;
NoIRs during most daylight outings; Ph1.Dec06 * ModPh2.Jun07 * AbxBrk.Mar-May08
* Ph2.Oct-Nov08 * Ph1.Jan09 * Olm.alone.Jun10
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JanEE
Member
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Posted: Sat Jun 27th, 2009 22:56 |
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I think you did a great job with that description. You said it perfectly, at least for me. Thanks.
Jan
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CFS, FM hypothyroid 125D69 Ph1 5/05 Armoir thyroid promethazine mag B12 for low blood levels NoIRs limited outings covered Ph2 9/06 Ph3 8/07 25D11
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Deb Grabetz
Moderator
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Posted: Sun Jun 28th, 2009 10:37 |
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Claire,
Thanks for the insight! You touched on a point very close to my heart and I will admit I could use this advice, as I'm not very good at dealing with family drama. We seem to have it on both sides at times as I'm sure that every family does. It can be overwhelming.
Part of it though Claire, as you say, is how we handle it. I know that I need to back-off and juggle this, especially when it doesn't have to do with me. My personality leads me to be the over compassionate one who takes things to heart but I'm learning for my own good and health, I can't continue this way. Stress can be a very damaging thing for those of us with Th1. It is up to me to learn when to "walk away". I must remember this... Holding gently is being in a state of mind that honors what is going on while not focusing on it.
Thank you for showing me a better way...! Deb
____________________
Sarcoidosis/lungs, lymph,liver, GI, neuro, D12542, Ph17/07, MPh2 9/07, B12, cover up, NoIRs,return to work after 2 years off- 4/07D2511
5/09 D25<4
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